You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
