The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
