i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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