well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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