Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
