She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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