I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
