Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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