Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
