Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
