smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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