New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
