he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
