can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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