I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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