FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's just like the Real World with babies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
