she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
