Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
