i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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