plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
