Nicole vs. Life
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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