My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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