I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
