Your face is a jimmy john
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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