Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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