Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
