We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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