I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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