I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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