wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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