i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
