Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
