I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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