In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
