i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
