there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
