there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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