hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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