The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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