Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
