He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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