how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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