so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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