Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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