No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
