I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize