How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
