I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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