Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
