It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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