You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
