Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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