Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
