I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
