I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are we still banned from the library?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize