hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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