Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
