I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
