I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
