Everything about him screamed your future.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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