Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
