the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how does that bad decision feel?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
