What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
