Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
