you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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