I love having hate sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
