No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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