If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
