i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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