At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She announced her abortion via fbk
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
