Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Two words: blizzard sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
