remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
