i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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